"Diet Coke," says the passenger after I ask him what he'd like to drink. While I'm filling a plastic glass full of ice, he asks the question I hoped he wouldn't ask, "Can I get a sandwich?"

"Oh...ummm...I'm sorry." I make a face, the I'm-sorry face, because I am sorry. Really, I am. I'm sorry I have to say I'm sorry all day long. "We ran out," I continue, and before I can tell him that we actually ran out of anything and everything edible on the airplane, he asks "What else do you have?"

I take a deep breath, because I really don't want to tell this guy we have nothing, not one thing, so I make the face again, the I'm-sorry face, and decide to make light of the situation. "Diet Coke. Sprite. Diet Sprite. Pepsi. Diet Pepsi. Orange juice. Apple Juice." He's looking at me like I'm crazy, so I make the face again, oh you know the one, and say, "I'm sorry, but we ran out of everything. There's no more food."

"What do you mean there's no more food!"

"We ran out of food," I say again, as I oh so gently place a can of Diet Coke and a glass of ice on his tray table. What I don't say is that we ran out of food hours ago, due to the fact the passengers were starving because of the hour and a half weather delay we took on the ground. What this passenger and I do not know, and will not know for another hour, is we're going to have another hour and a half delay in flight because the airport in New York is closed due to more bad weather . "Sorry," I say again, and I am, sorry I'm forced to say sorry all day long.

"This is ridiculous!"

British Airways just announced that it was buying L'avion, the struggling business-class-only carrier that has recently been operating flights between New York's JFK airport and Paris's Orly.

We here at Gadling have been speculating on the future of the small, proud airline recently. Considering the price of fuel and the trouble that niche, business-class-only carriers have had in the recent market, we even put it on Gadling's Hit List (one down, four to go!) among airlines at risk for bankruptcy, liquidation or buyouts this summer.

BA must be reading our articles and wanted to take advantage of the carrier whilie they were off balance.

Or perhaps this is a strategic acquisition to give more breathing room for BA's own daughter New York-Paris niche carrier, Open Skies to operate. With one less competitor in the market, Open Skies will surely now be able to dominate.

Indeed, this Reuters article says that L'avion will now become part of the Open Skies network. As far as integration, I'm not sure how the aircraft and staff will be placed -- on the JFK-ORY route or on another of the new airline's planned routes.

One thing is for certain however: with one less player in the transatlantic business class market, prices will surely go up.

Something didn't smell right. British Airways passengers started to panic when a foul smell started coming from their aircraft on a flight between Belgrade and London. Fearing a terrorist attack, the captain turned around the aircraft and put it back down in the Serbian capital, where the aircraft was evacuated and contained separately on the runway.

Passengers screamed in horror fleeing from the aircraft as they were helped by workers in hazmat suits.

Investigators first feared that a a container with acidic chemicals had burst in the hold and was causing havoc among the cargo. But upon further investigation, they narrowed the source down to a package of curry.

This follows on the heels of an emergency landing earlier this year of an Alitalia flight because of similar fears --- the source of which was revealed to be minced onions.

Airlines have been doing anything they possibly can to raise money over the past few months, from checked bag fees to charging for soft drinks to increasing the price for almost everything that formerly had a fee associated with it.

Now, according to an article over at Smarter Travel, Spirit has decided to start charging extra for online seat selection.

Carriers have done this before -- many current legacy carriers charge extra for sitting in an aisle or window near the front of the plane or in preferred seats. But what Spirit is proposing is to charge for ANY seat selected online before departure -- even the seats that most people don't want.

Fees will range from $15 for a window to $10 for an aisle to $5 dollars for a middle seat.

So if you want to sit next to a person that you're traveling with or want to sit in a decent seat and want to pick your spots before departure, you're basically screwed into paying these fees. It looks like you can still go to the airport the day of departure and get assigned seats, but there's no telling who you'll be sitting next to and where at that point.

[Via Airfarewatchdog]

What strange things have been found on planes?

Click the image to read the bizarre story...

I wonder if the reason that everyone seems to be getting drunk on airlines lately is because the stress level is so high. Perhaps it's a means to deal with the stress of having no leg room or no meal during an excruciatingly long flight. Jeff posted an article about an unruly passenger getting drunk, throwing ice and feeling up flight attendants last week, while the week prior another woman lit a cigarette, punched one of the crew and forced the aircraft to divert to Dallas.

This week, a Drexel student named Taylor Kircher flying transatlantic on British Airways drank an entire bottle of his duty free vodka before going on a drunken tirade through the aircraft. In the process of his debauch, the student spat on two flight attendants, broke a jump seat and was caught masturbating through his clothing before he had to be physically restrained with handcuffs.

Kircher even went so far as to threaten to "blow the plane up" if they didn't free him of his restraints, which, I believe is quite illegal.

Authorities detained the student on arrival in New York's JFK where they will hopefully press charges and never let him fly again.

Our friends over at Boing Boing found an interesting article at Neatorama exploring some pretty wild patents to combat terrorism.

It's great to have inventive minds out there mind you, but having scoured USPTO.gov more than a few times myself over the past few years, you kind of get the feeling that some people have a little bit too much spare time and too much imagination.

The ideas range from a haz-mat suit with a toilet built into it to a mobile crematorium that kind of looks like a barbeque that you would drag down to the campsite, but our favorite here at Gadling is the airplane trap door.

See, if terrorists take over the passenger cabin and start working their way up to the cockpit, there's a trap door (a-la Scooby Doo style) that the pilots can open up, capturing the would-be hijacker in a compartment under the floor. I imagine that this drawing has a giant lever with a red handle on it that the pilot can pull, although I'm not sure where it is.

Neatorama also suggests that the device could be improved by adding alligators to the compartment to take care of the terrorsists.

Just make sure that you don't bump the lever by accident during the beverage service, or you might lose a flight attendant.

You can check out the Neatorama list here, or read Boing Boing's comments here.

I know Grant has been keeping you well-informed about Virgin America's services, but I figured I would share my fresh observations.

I flew Virgin America for the first time yesterday: from New York to San Francisco. What can I say. I was impressed. Brand new plane, pleasant staff, fairly comfy leather (or fake leather) seats...For a second, you almost forget how painful it is to travel by plane these days!

One of the things I have always loved about flying Virgin Atlantic (the international version of the airline) is their in-flight entertainment set up: private screens with lots of movies, music and games to choose from.

I was hoping Virgin America would do the same.

They do, but you have to pay for it. I don't blame them. It's a great idea to target a bunch of people bored to death. We'll pay almost anything to make a few hours go by a little faster. Those in-flight magazines only go so far.

I was curious to find out how much everything costs once you board a Virgin America flight. Here is a short list:

• Headphones are free
• Listening to music and watching music videos is free
• Movies go for $5-7 a piece (there are lots to choose from)
• Most TV shows will set you back 99 cents an episode (again, lots to choose from)

There is no free food on board. That's not entirely bad news. I actually like that concept.

• You can choose from about 7 kinds of meals (sandwiches, wraps, salads) for approximately $8/piece
• Snacks such are about $2/piece
• Basic drinks are free - coffee, water, soda, etc.
• You pay $5 for beer, wine, etc.

You order your food using the TV screen of Red, Virgin's in-flight entertainment system. You can just make your order, swipe your credit card and a few moments later, a flight attendant shows up with your meal.

To summarize, my roundtrip ticket was about $500. (Yes, that's what NYC-SFO flights go for these days) and I also spent an additional $15 in movies and food. I have to say, I like that some airlines are turning to the "pay as you go" model. I love being able to choose my own meal and entertainment and choose when I want to eat, watch movies or sleep. This has got to be the way to do it.

Remember that trade embargo that the US has against all of Cuba? The one that forces you to drive to Tijuana to pick up Cuban cigars and the one that prevents you and your family from stopping in Havana on your annual cruise? Yep, that embargo.

We as Americans have been forbidden from trading with the Socialist nation for over forty years now, as our good buddy Fidel Castro kept the country under lockdown and its population in poverty. Our "sanctions," which have recently come under increased scrutiny, are meant to punish the totalitarian government and encourage democracy in the island nation. How well that's working is another debate.

But our trade embargo sure isn't stopping Spirit Airlines from doing business with the Cubans. They've been paying the government regularly to use Cuban airspace on their flights over the Carribbean -- something that spokeswoman Misty Pinson claims was not premeditated, saying: ``Spirit Airlines never had the intention of violating any requirements or laws to carry out its international operations.''

How does your morality buzzer NOT go off when you're writing checks to Cuba? Aren't all business transactions with the communist state illegal?

Needless to say, the embattled airline is now coughing up 100G's in fines for illegal payments to the Cubans. Better to fly around next time.

Your house is definitely not the coolest on the block unless its made out of jumbo jet pieces. Francie Rehwald, daughter to a family owning multiple Mercedes Benz dealerships across California, just started construction on her new house made completely out of fragments of a scrapped Boeing 747. For forty thousand dollars, Rehwald purchased the pieces from an airplane junk yard in the Mojave Desert and after waiting over a year to get 17 permits pushed through the bureaucracy, finally just started taking delivery of wing segments.

The house and various surrounding structures will be built out of every single piece of the aircraft. In addition to the main 4000 foot square homestead, pieces like the nosecone will be used for a meditation pagoda while the tail will be used as a viewing platform for the surrounding area.

Rehwald, who says "I love to recycle, I love green houses and contemporary architecture, and I especially love nature and the natural environment," apparently believes that this structure will be a sustainable, green alternative to conventional construction.

What's interesting to me is that Rehwald still considers herself a staunch environmentalist in spite of the ruckus and cost involved. Sure, she's recycling old materials to use for her home, but do the economic and environmental impact of moving the parts up to LA justify it? A helicopter costing $10,000/hour was required to move large sections of the wing, while several sections of the expressway had to be closed to move other parts up the coast. Would is just be better two melt down the aluminum and recycle it? It seems kind of selfish to me.

Are air passengers sick of how they're being treated? Heck, yeah. But in China, they actually stage protests, of a sort.

Ok, it wasn't exactly Tienanmen Square, but on a flight out of Beijing, fifty-two passengers (out of about 200) refused to leave the plane when the flight was canceled due to weather. They slept on the plane for over twelve hours, then finally walked off when the flight crew announced they could take another flight.

The biggest irony, and something I can't see happening on America's cash-strapped airlines? The flight attendants kept serving food and drinks to the "protesters."